Britney Spears Meets Harry Potter (7/9/2000)
Harry Potter: Uh, hullo.
Britney Spears: Ohmigod. Are you British? I love British accents! You know, I email Prince William sometimes.
Harry Potter: That muggle? I mean, that's great.
Britney Spears: I love your outfit! You look like a wizard or something. (squeezes Harry Potter's cheek)
Harry Potter: Back, foul succubus!
Britney Spears: What?
Harry Potter: Oh sorry.
Britney Spears: Whatever. Oh, that's a great fake lightningbolt you've got tatooed on your forehead.
Harry Potter: It's not fake! Absolutely no part of me is fake.
Britney Spears: Yeah, me neither. (winks)
Harry Potter: Well, are you a muggle or not?
Britney Spears: A muggle?
Harry Potter: You know, can you do any magic?
Britney Spears: Hmm. Well, I did manage to transform my mediocre singing talent into a chart-topping pop-music sensation! Look, now I'm just a girl...now, I'm a whole industry!
Harry Potter: Wow, All I can do is transform lead into gold, or Hermione Granger into a frog.
Britney Spears: (giggles) They pay you for that?
Harry Potter: Well, no. But I also have the ability to magically transmute an identical storyline into the best-selling book in the country every single year. Abracadabra!
Britney Spears: It sells better than Britney Spears' Heart to Heart?
Harry Potter: (incredulous) yeah!
Britney Spears: Hmmm. Can you sing?
Harry Potter: No.
Britney Spears: Great, then lets cut an album together sometime.
Harry Potter: OK.
Britney Spears: So, what else do you do?
Harry Potter: Oh, I play Quidditch, this game where you fly around on a stick and try to catch the Snitch. I'm the "seeker".
Britney Spears: Sounds tiring. Oops!
Harry Potter: What is it, Britney?
Britney Spears: I did it again.
Harry Potter: What?
Britney Spears: I played with this poor guys' heart.
Harry Potter: Hey, it happens. Especially with a muggle as pretty as you.
Britney Spears: No, seriously. This guy was kind of old, and he had a pacemaker. I kept shooting microwave radiation towards him. He seemed to be having a real hard time breathing. I need to stop doing that kind of thing.
Harry Potter: What did this guy look like?
Britney Spears: He was kind of tall, kind of skinny, wore all these robes, kind of like yours, but older. He had a wizened old beard...
Harry Potter: You killed Dumbledore!
Britney Spears: I guess I should have stopped, but I got lost in the game. Ooh, baby, baby..
Harry Potter: (Starts beating Britney with magic wand) I can't believe you killed Dumbledorf, I mean Dumbledore!
Britney Spears: Stop hitting me!
Harry Potter: OK, sorry.
Britney Spears: Hit me baby one more time!
Harry Potter: (hits Britney again)
Britney Spears: Ow!
Harry Potter: Sorry.
Britney Spears: It's OK, I asked for it. I should never have performed so many annoying, repetitive songs.
Harry Potter: Well, I hope you're sorry.
Britney Spears: Believe me, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had been accepted to Hogwarts, and that I lived in Griffendor.
Harry Potter: No, I hope you're sorry you killed Dumbledore!
Britney Spears: Oh, the old wizard I killed?
Harry Potter: Yes. With him dead, the evil Lord Voldemort will take over the world.
Britney Spears: Voldemort? Who cares!
Harry Potter: What?
Britney Spears: Harry, you have a lot to learn about girls. (giggles). I'm not that innocent... I am Lord Voldemort!
Harry Potter: Really?
Britney Spears: No, actually, Voldemort's just one of my drummers. He's really not such a bad guy. Nothing like those jerks from LFO. If they took over the world, it would be a real problem.
Harry Potter: What do you think of Christina Aguilera?
Britney Spears: (growls) Oh, I think she's so sweet! I want to kill her, uh, I mean, she's so nice!
Harry Potter: Well, I've got to get back to Hogwarts to battle the unholy terror you've unleashed on the world.
Britney Spears: Yeah, I've got to get back to the studio to unleash my next album, Oops...I Unleashed an Unholy Terror on the Universe Again, on the world.
Harry Potter: I guess this is goodbye.
Britney Spears: Yeah, nice meeting you.
Harry Potter: Allright, everyone reading this make sure you buy my books!
Britney Spears: Yeah, and all of you out there, buy my albums, calendars, posters, and my very special Britney Spears' Heart to Heart.
Harry Potter: Anything else you'd like to add?
Britney Spears: Oh yeah. All you girls out there, start dressing like a 22-year old coed when you're twelve.
Harry Potter: (flies away on broomstick)
True Brit
Finally, the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone -Widescreen Edition DVD
Harry Potter and the
Goblet of Fire
Oops...I Did it Again
Harry Potter and the
Prisoner of Azkaban
...Baby One More Time
Harry Potter and the
Chamber of Secrets
Britney Spears'
Heart to Heart
Harry Potter and the
Sorceror's Stone
See Mike Durrett's About.com site for more Harry Potter and Britney Spears humor.
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