Escape from LFO (7/15/2000)

New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer (for the summer) I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch... I must escape from LFO. Everywhere I go, their inane lyrics haunt me like some kind of nightmare that won't go away. A lot of people say that we should send missions to space to advance science, destroy incoming asteroids, or prepare to fend off an assault by UFOs. For me, I'm ready to go to space just to get away from LFO. Over the last year, the lyrics from "Summer Girls" have been burned into my mind against my will. It is an inevitable fact of modern society that no person can escape from LFO. They are a one-song dictatorship. The LFO-tocracy demands that their word be sovereign. Run? Yes. Hide? No. For LFO is watching you. Any stroll down the street and you will be assaulted by Abercrombie and Fitch, that youth-garment wing of the international LFO conspiracy to make everyone have fun and enjoy summer just like a happy-go-lucky boy band from Boston that I won't mention here (LFO). I continully exhort my fellow free-thinkers to liberate themselves from LFO's mindlock, but instead of listening, they just crank up their portable MP3 players and ignore me. Well, all you MP3-playing people out there, I'll have you know that you are falling right into LFO's clutches. "Summer Girls" is pure evil. Nothing but a series of disjointed pop-cultural and quasi-literary references strung together into meaningless verses, the song discourages critical thinking skills, replacing all thought with jabbering blabber. They have us brainwashed. Just the other day I unconsciously slipped into LFO-speak: Henry the Eighth killed of bunch of wives, DNA was discovered by Crick, And I think it's fly when the Spanish Armada stops by (for the summer) I like marketing products in an economic niche... And so forth. You think you have a free mind? You think you aren't already an LFO-controlled robot? Think again. Utilizing advanced mind-control techniques stolen from The Manchurian Candidate, there is no escape from LFO short of hiding in old abondoned quarry in the back woods, surving on nothing but Slim Jims and other fauna. Science may not yet have proven that LFO songs contain rhthymic frequencies which release neurotoxins into the blood stream, but remember that those are LFO-controlled scientists we're dealing with. The neurotoxins effect the hippocampus in such a way that the helpless victim is transformed from a unique human being into a mindless consumer of designer teen aparrel who seeks no higher goal than to have shining white teeth and freedom from bodily odor, all the while desiring to rush to Amazon.com to buy the latest Britney Spears Album. LFO's hegemony is utterly complete. I walked into a Chinese restuarant the other day. Since "Chinese food makes LFO sick", I'd expect Chinese restaurants to be the last bastion of anti-LFO sentiment. Yet, to my dismay, what if not "Summer Girls" was playing in the restaurant, the staff whistling happily along as they cleared tables and brought out food. I looked at the menu: nothing but hotdogs and hamburgs. The manager of the restaurant removed his MP3 player headphones to explain to me that he had changed the menu since he was "worried about LFO's health." So, to make a long story short, you can't avoid LFO. They are everywhere, they are everything. I am currently on a plane to Kazakhstan in a futile attempt to escape the trio. You could be like me, but I wouldn't recommend it. Instead, you might as well submit and buy some of their CDs or merchandise, conveniently listed on the right side of this page. And be sure to get an MP3 player, so you can be brain-washed by LFO in style.

LFO Summer Girls Pt. 1 (Import) i2Go eGo 96MB MP3 Player LFO: The Book Lyte Funkie Ones Live From Orlando

---

Send email to g. (Who is this guy, anyway?)

[ Self-Improvement Program ] [ The rantZONE ]

© 2000 gTexts. All rights reserved.